You know you’ve got some problems when after a certain time of day you talk yourself out of leaving the house. Inventing new reasons why it would be a terrible idea if you were to venture out, even to the grocery store. That’s what I find myself doing. Its not so much a problem when I actually have something for me to do, but it has to be something I HAVE to do. Otherwise once 10:30-11:00am hits forget about it….the lunchtime traffic would not be worth it. After that its down hill because as soon as lunch is over for some people, then you have to deal with the traffic of people going to pick up their kids from school, and soon after that you’ll have to deal with people getting off of work, so its probably best if I just stay inside today.That’s pretty much just the beginning of excuses I can come up with.
I’ve found out that in order to keep myself actually happy I have to remain very busy so I don’t think about things. I recently took a 40 hour insurance class, and I loved every minute of it. It wasn’t easy by any means, but it gave me something to do for 10 hours for 4 days. Now that is over the only thing that gets me by is knowing that I can go back there for a review for almost a month after I first registered for the class….what am I going to do after that month? Fortunately by then I will have taken my state exam, and my job will help me get out of the house everyday. Getting up in the morning isn’t the problem, I quite enjoy getting up really early..its the leaving my room I have trouble with.
I guess its because I’ve had roommates for so long and that’s why I barely leave my room. Still feeling like I have to “share” the common rooms with someone else. Its quite frightening actually, because I really hate staying indoors and locking myself up in my room all day, but then at times when I go over to a friend’s place to hang out you would think I would enjoy myself, but instead I’m trying to make up reasons to go back home. Even though its probably the one place I fear the most.
I can’t tell you why I’ve started to do this…or even exactly when. I know it got pretty bad over the summer before I started session B at school, but then it slowly went away or at least to point where I wasn’t thinking about it as much.